I don't have a girlfriend!

Connor Too Close by Finijo

When I picked up Connor today, he was not as exuberant as he was yesterday. I had him point out Katherine to me and when he did the two of them barely looked at each other. I knew something was up, so I waited until we were out the door then asked, "Did you two break up today?" He answered that they had and said, "We just weren't ready." He didn't seem too broken up over it, but when I questioned him some, he shocked me with his complete absence of any kind of understanding of little girls. He said, "I told her that there was someone else, so it wouldn't be so bad for her." Of course I explained to him how he needed to rectify that fib with the truth, because it is the best policy, and because Katherine will appreciate knowing that he didn't break up with her because of someone else. He said he'd tell her tomorrow, and that they are still friends - at least that's something.

Ripe Van Winkle by Finijo

After I picked Connor up, we went to Starbucks to meet Mom. It was the weirdest trip to Starbucks - EVER. The family sitting at one table over was so loud that when they left, we could not only hear our own conversation, but we could hear a pin drop. The replacement customer for that table (I'll call him Ripe Van Winkle for reasons that will become obvious) was a real treat. Before Ripe sat down, he made his presence known. I was tired and sitting with my elbow on the table and my chin in my hand, when suddenly I could not figure out why my hand was so stinky. I was literally sniffing my fingers trying to figure out why they smelt of armpit and wondering what I could have possibly touched that someone would have wiped their armpit on. Marilyn alerted me to the fact that we had a new table neighbor and that the fragrance I was smelling was him and not my own hand. As I was sitting there looking at him (as unobtrusively as possible), I noticed him picking up his bottle of frappuccino, unscrewing the lid, and then he did something that struck me as hilarious. He sniffed it - twice! It was like he was checking to see if it was spoiled. All I could think was that there was no way he would be able to smell spoilage over his own stench. Ripe Van Winkle is like Fabreeze in reverse. He managed to cancel out the smell of coffee in a Starbucks (completely) and replace eau du cafe with BO - I did not even think that was possible.

***No homeless people were made fun of in this blog. In spite of the hirsute appearance of Ripe, his hair was clean and his clothes were clean. It is a reasonable assumption that his armpits were riddled with bacteria, though.