Hesitation by Stephen Lamb
I checked my e-mail and found a letter that was either meant for someone else, or it is some kind of phishing/scamming thing. It was addressed to someone with the same first and last name as mine, but with a different middle initial. Also, I don't know anyone named Kurt, and I am not old enough to have been in a relationship with someone 30 years ago. I took out the identifying info, but here it is:
---------- Forwarded message ----------My gut instinct tells me that this message is too polished and too rehearsed to have so many spelling and grammar errors. I can't help picturing a prisoner sitting in his cell whiling away his long, lonely hours trying to work out all of the things he thinks a woman wants to hear, in an attempt to lure women who will be so impressed by his ardor, that she will want to get to know him on line. On the other hand, it could be totally legit, and there is some poor schlub out there trying to figure out why he didn't get a response after all the hard work he put into pouring his heart out. Either way, it is sad and a little creepy.
Date: Wed, 4 Jan 2006 01:11:30 -0800
Subject: Just some thought on our relationship
As you know I have spending a lot of time pondering this relationship that has developed between us.
I'm still trying to figure out where all these emotions came from and why I have such strong feelings for you especially after 30 years of being a part. It just doesn't make a lot of sense to me. I might be able to explain it if I was all alone and I had a deep longing for some companionship or if I was trying to fill some big void in my life. But that's just not the case, I am happily married, it's not a perfect marriage but from what I have seen of others it's pretty damn good one. I actually feel very fortunate that I have a wife like Ann. I have two kids still at home and that certainly fills up your life. So its not like I'm out looking for someone to fill a void in my life.
I think most people want similar things out of a relationship:
Physical intimacy is probably the strongest attraction between two people. To be able to touch, feel the warmth of a kiss, and share the ecstasy of making love are overwhelming desires that bring two people together.
People also are looking for someone to build a life with. Someone that you can share simple day-to-day activities and to be there for those special moments. Someone you can come home to and be there when you need a hug. Someone to plan your future and have a family with.
I think we all need a sense of feeling needed and wanted. Having that sense of security from having some one that will be there by your side no matter how bad things might get.
(Those are some pretty profound thoughts coming from someone that spent so long running from relationships. Sometimes I read what I type to you and think "did I really say that" )
Then I look at our online relationship and it has none of that. All those things that draw two people in to a relationship are either completely missing or greatly diminished from what you experience in a face-to-face relationship. So why is this so compelling. What has drawn us together with such incredible force?
This has gone far beyond two old friends just catching up on old times. There is a deep bond between us that has survived to 30 years of separation. I've discovered feelings for you that I didn't know existed; I have a deep and ever lasting love for you. There are many time I want to be with you so bad that it hurts.
I Love youKurt