Grinding

Membrane by Finijo

Tonight I am pondering a lifetime spent fighting to survive and always coming up just a little bit short. I will request some antidepressants and antianxiety medication from my doctor next week, to see if it can help lift the veil. Beyond tired, I am weary.The clarity of vision to create is now lost to a constant fog. No writing, no drawing - just work, home, chores, errands, and taking care of other people. Using Roku like crack, and binging one show after another, just to keep from having to sleep a dreamless sleep or think about all that feels like it is crushing me. Waiting to lay down until I am literally staggering to bed in exhaustion, prevents me from being kept awake by thoughts of what cannot be changed before I drift off.  Hope and joy now replaced by dread and regret. We all carry our own burdens, but some of us carry the burden of others, and eventually it y to lean on, and nobody to help. One by one, possibilites are ground away, leaving a layer of dust over what little is left.