Crushing

 Making Do by Finijo

This year is off to a very difficult start, and try as I might, I have not been able to adjust to the frustration I feel. I thought the loss of my brother last year would make this year a breeze by default. I was wrong. On the deepest level I know that things are as they should be and I difficulty brings about growth, but my mind is fighting all of the disappointment. I feel like I am slogging through each day in mud that becomes deeper and more thick with each sunrise. Waking each morning, I try to "look on the bright side," but as the day progresses, this weight in my chest and on my shoulders crushes. Interest in painting, creating, dating, cooking, reading, gardening...pretty much everything I enjoy, holds no interest for me now and the numbness creeps further in. I know I need to stop resisting and just float, but I feel too heavy to float at the moment, like I need to break free of the cracked earth that encases me. I wish it would rain.